On following women


There is one thing I have learned about women that in my opinion is a key element to a better understanding between the sexes. Something I believe to be fundamental, but that is never explained in any of the “score more women” methods (sic) that I’ve had the opportunity to come across over the last couple of years. Or at least, not treated specifically.

That key element is : keep your all senses wide open and ready to receive information when interacting with a woman.

Now it’s deeper than what you may think. I’m going to do my best to express as clearly as possible some very abstract thinking I’ve done about it.

Women are constantly giving us men massive amounts of informations about their feelings, and even more importantly about what they expect us to do. We don’t even have to guess it, let’s just follow the path they’re laying before us. I’m dead serious about this. I know for a fact that in the long hard battle guys have to face to become full grown men -be it when you’re a teenager approaching your first girls or later on when you finally decide to take care or yourself after a couple of failures-, men often concentrate too much on their own behaviour. They think of which body language to display, which witty remark to express, at which moment, and using which tone of voice.

If you ever happen to be doing so, you’re committing a double mistake. First you look everything but natural, and second by looking for some precise verbal or non-verbal clues from her, you’re missing 99% of the other informations she’s throwing right at your face.

This leads to two main consequences, depending on the time of the interaction.

The first one happens during moments you’re flirting with a girl. If you’re concentrated on yourself, the interaction is bound to lack the symbiosis necessary to move forward. You will completely miss her body gestures, her tone of voice, etc, thus not reacting accordingly. You will be out of tune. Now pay attention : I am not saying you should concentrate your attention on the girl’s behaviour either. Rather, you should focus all your energy on the girl. Let me explain the difference between your attention and your energy.

Focusing your attention is consciously thinking about the action that is taking place. Focusing your energy happens on a more unconscious level. The idea is to give so much energy to the girl that it will create a bubble around her and you. Think of an imaginary bond you’re throwing at her that ends up linking the two of you. Imagine then that your bodies are entering each other’s. You become a part of her and she a part of you. You get so focused on her that you and her become one, isolated from the universe. Even if you’re at a party with loud music and a big crowd around you. It’s a particular state of mind that is hard to describe. If you’ve ever done relaxation or are familiar with lucid dreaming, I could say it’s close to having both the girl and you in your own lucid, relaxed dream. Perhaps you have already entered that mutual state of mind while making love with a woman, too. The whole flirting part may even feel like lovemaking itself while in this state.

I said that you gotta get in this wonderful state of mind, but if you actually manage to do so, she will follow you into it. You will then find yourself not thinking about what you’re saying or how you’re acting, because everything you do will come naturally to both of you. From the party to your bedroom. Every gesture she will make will kind of feel as if it was happening to your own body. Everything she’ll say will be followed by a spontaneous, quick and in-tune reply from you. Because you won’t be thinking anymore, but feeling.

I believe that what is happening in such cases, is that you both enter a kind of mild hynotic state that allows your mind to be much more aware of all the animal, non-verbal communication. The logical mind is at rest, and the animal, sexual one does all the work. During flirting, non-verbal communication is what matters the most.

So, don’t stay so closed down on your own little person and behaviour. Give the woman you’re interacting with pure energy, without fear. Let the girl enter your heart, and vice versa. Then only you will be able to process (consciously or not) all the items she’s communicating to you.

Now, I am aware it can’t work with every girl and in every situation. Being on a date with a girl doesn’t necessarily mean you’re gonna be able to set this frame. But when you do find a woman whow it works with, it’s going to be delicious.

The second time the lack of openess can manifest has, on the contrary, nothing to do with focusing your energy, nor flirting, nor anything of that kind. It also probably more concerns a situation when you’ve seen a girl several times, you’re beginning to get to know each other and are maybe becoming, you know, girlfriend and boyfriend. My lesson here is actually a call to common sense. Mostly, it’s happenning during what I’ll call idle time. Idle time is anytime you’re not actively flirting : when you say goodbye, when you’re just transmitting pure information (like time and place for a date), etc. A woman will often chose these moments to cold test you in a very serious, not flirty way, and in the meantime give you very valuable information about what to expect from her. When that happens, you can’t allow yourself to be emotional, or you will miss the spoken information (because in this case, that’s what matters).

Let me show you a few exemples you’re very likely to encounter sooner or later. Imagine you’ve seen a girl a few times, you’ve already had sex, but then she seems to step back and tells you she wants to stay open to other “opportunities”. Here, many guys will freak out. And some others will call this a shit test that can only be followed by a good old macho verbal slapping. Perhaps it is a shit test, but frankly I don’t really care about the label you’ll stick on that behaviour. It’s important to think about the meaning of her saying. She’s wants to show she’s not yours (yet). Don’t take it for youself. She is not meaning it as a competition with other males. Because if you think in terms of love (at its broad meaning) and positive energy, the only think you can reply is “yes of course, I understand. We don’t know each other that well and you’re young and pretty, you have to enjoy yourself”. And mean it. More or less, it’s the same thing guys from the player community will tell you to retort. Be indifferent and all that. Except that here you’re not even indifferent. You’re wishing her the best! And still display that your life is perfectly fine even if she’s not yours. Here I can assure you she won’t go looking for other opportunities. I know it’ll take a lot of work for many men to be able to really feel that way. But that’s a goal you probably should aim. I will have to write articles on this later.

Another example is when a girl is telling you how scared she is because her experience proved her that most men are bastards, and she doesn’t want to go forward. Here, too, it’s important to listen to what she says. She’s saying she still wants to feel as a self-sufficient individual (just like the example above). It would be wrong to think the relevant part here is her opinion about men. You don’t even have to retort. It’s not a fact, it’s just a belief she has at the present moment, or that she just wants to display. The fact here is that you’ll have to let her feel free. Let her come to you, don’t chase her. Chances are she’s giving that kind of attitude because she’s already feeling chased. Therefore, you should step back a little. Listen to her, it’s just obvious. Many here will do the opposite and try to convince her that men are good by showing how kind and considerate they are, thus suffocating her with attention. Please don’t do that. Instead, act accordingly to what she’s simply saying.

Now I know there are some girls who really are suffering from past traumatic experiences. You really don’t want to try seducing those. Make friends with them if you like but let them heal by themselves sex- and dating-wise, and let them have a go at it again with other guys. These girls may be very cruel and unhealthy at times, even more so when they finally get back in touch with their feminine power.

The lesson here is that when a girl says something that seems disorienting to you, you don’t have to freak out, nor do you have to get all tough. Both are extreme reactions showing what she said actually hit you. Instead, comprehend what she actually means. Listen, and think. Don’t take it all for yourself.

I got a third, lighter example about girls expressing clearly what they expect, yet leaving many guys clueless. Imagine you’re on a date with her in a tapas bar, and she says something about not picking anything with garlic in it because that might pose a problem later on. Right. The most unexperienced guys won’t notice, or won’t even hear the clue here. Serious. The crucial information will be filtered out because the possibility of this girl being a sexual person willing to get physical with them hasn’t even entered their mind. Others will be embarassed by her quite straightforward attitude, and will try to act like supposed gentlemen by doing as if they’d heard nothing. But guys, if she says that, the simple information here is that she expresses her expectation to be kissed. You don’t have to wonder what’s the right attitude to have. It’s obvious. It’s time for you to enter physical mode and let the tension escalade.

The conclusion to this article is : unexperienced or clueless guys will often shut down some of their senses and abilities -usually, the wrong ones- when interacting with women they desire. Sometimes men should let the flow of non verbal communication enter their mind. Sometimes they should pay more attention to the actual words their date are saying.

Guys, stop being self-centered and allow yourself to absorb what a woman is communicating.

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